MENTAL HEALTH - HOW TO KEEP YOUR HEAD

As leaders we sometimes hold on to the perception that we need to be the ‘Hero Head’.  This  belief  can make us feel that we need to be everything to everyone.  We find ourselves putting the needs of others above our own.  We become worn by the constant requests from colleagues, parents, students and governors and the daily challenging conversations.
 
Working with headteachers and senior leaders in schools I have really noticed this. Conversations often start with:
’It’s impossible...’
’I have to... I must... I should...’
’There is no time...’
’Everyone expects...’
’I’m exhausted...’
 
Senior leaders in schools can put a lot of pressure on themselves to be 'exceptional', sometimes at the detriment of their own well-being.
 
It is important to take a step back and understand that in order to be an exceptional leader, we do not need to be everything to everyone and risk becoming overwhelmed.
 
Let's look at it from a different perspective.  If we were to try and run a continual marathon - we couldn’t - eventually we would collapse.  Physically muscles are not made to be worked constantly.  They need rest and nutrition in order to function at their best.  And yet as leaders we find ourselves running a continuous marathon mentally and emotionally. We neglect to give our mental muscles the rest or nourishment they need. Mental health problems are no longer a rarity in leadership.  School leaders are running these emotional marathons and are reaching burn-out.
 
Just as we would look after ourselves physically - with a good diet, exercise, rest and regular check ups - we need to do the same for ourselves mentally.
 
I wanted to highlight four relatively simple reminders to help you ensure you are looking after yourself this term and keep yourself well while still being a great leader.
 
Become Aware
The first step of improving anything is awareness.  How often do you check in with yourself?  Do you ever ask - ‘How am I feeling today?  What is going well for me?’ To notice how you are showing up  means you will be better at identifying what you need.  Planning as little as five minutes a day to check-in with ‘you’ and reflect on what you could do to address the situation will make all the difference.  Susan David Phd, highlights the need for being aware of yourself in her work on ‘Emotional Agility’ which is hugely insightful and useful. 
 
Keep Talking
Never underestimate the power of talking. When issues are weighing heavily on you, talking can be a very therapeutic an 'emotional offload’. If you have trusted colleagues and good friends to talk honestly and openly with, that is great.  If you need a more impartial view, working confidentially with a coach or becoming part of a coaching group could be another option. Sometimes it is best to to seek professional advice, speaking confidentially with your union (NAHT), GP or qualified counsellor can also really help.

“When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone.” - Fiona Apple
 
 
Good Quality Rest
It is really important to ‘unplug’ mentally from work.  Taking a decent brain break is vital to your well-being.  How good is your sleep?  If it is poor, it will be impacting on your leadership negatively and probably much more than you think. Matthew Walker Phd, has researched and written in depth about the importance of sleep, highlights are shared in this short video which makes interesting viewing. 
 
Different Thinking
You can lessen the impact that some of our deep-rooted beliefs such as being  the 'Hero Head'  by changing the way in which you view yourself. You can begin to do this by practicing self-compassion.

'Self-compassion means being gentle, kind and understanding with yourself; accepting that you are not perfect; and understanding that there is potential for learning and growth in every mistake you make and challenge you face'  - Kristin Neff 

An easy way to understand self-compassion is to compare it to the instructions given by flight attendants in case of a depressurized cabin: you’re supposed to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else with theirs. In the same way, you need to look after yourself before taking care of others.You will never speak to anyone more than yourself in your head so be kind to yourself.

Even practicing just one of the above has the potential to make  a difference to your well being and capacity to lead.   If you would like to keep your head and be the best leader you can be....let’s talk.